Mada Boku Niwa Sukui Ga Arisou?

Well..

Tue, 22 Dec 2009 19:44:46 GMT

...It's safe to say I haven't used this thing in ages. Normally I use it to blow off some steam. I figured I might as well do it now.
The year 2009 has been an awful year. I lost a lot of people in my life and another person I care about is currently still fighting a terminal disease for who knows how long. Naturally the 'relationship' between me and my mother hasn't improved. Far from it. I for one am glad I'll be graduating in about 2 years max. Around that time I'll be looking for a job and I'll start working on getting my own place.

Basically put, my mother has the tendency to only want to see things her way. No matter how much 'evidence' there is to prove she's wrong, her rule is law and her authority is absolute. It doesn't matter who points it out either, I know I'll end up getting blamed for 'influencing' the people around her.
During one of our heated discussions I finally managed to find out as to why my mother hates me so much. She and my father had a 'rough' relationship. She ended up hating him so much that even about 20 years later she's still so angry with him that she'd kill him if she got the chance. The reason why my mother takes out all her anger on me, is because when she gets angry - she nearly constantly is - she sees 'him'. My being 'his' daughter only serves to agitate her even more.
So yes. My mother has admitted to hating me. She keeps me around as a cheap form of stress-relief. That way she can keep on pretending she's always right.

Our more recent fights are about 'doing things around the house'. I don't mind doing chores, really. The problem is that I'm a rather forgetful person, besides that, I also tend to miss out on signals (apparently). When something needs to be cleaned, my mother doesn't ask me to do something, she'll do it herself and bitch about how lazy and disgusting I am. Apparently I have nothing to do but sit on my ass all day. Taking in account that I nowadays have a job, college, a social life and a girlfriend, my spare-time is limited.

Since there's so much going on right now, I'm a tad bit more forgetful than normally.

I'm putting myself through college and I'm working hard to get a good reputation in my work-field in the hope of getting some good recommendations. My mother on the other hand has a steady job of about 4 1/2 days a week and a side-job which consists of cleaning someone's house for about 3 hours. Meaning she doesn't even work full time. Sure, I know how tiring that can be, I really do. But my hours consist of about 50+ hours a week. I go to school on Monday, Tuesday and Thursday (the classes start at 9 am at the latest and last till about 8 in the evening, which means dinner at 10). On Wednesdays and Fridays I work from 9.30 AM till about 4.45 PM, the trip to and from work takes about 1 1/2 hours. By the time I get home it's usually after 6 AM (if I'm lucky). All of this is not taking in account studying for exams and working on projects, let alone my social life.

I'm also dealing with some rather serious issues. One friend - whom I have known for 11 years - died, another person close to me died, a relative I still care about is terminally ill, a friend who was terminally ill opted for euthanasia, another friend of mine is seriously depressed etc.

You could say I'm currently both physically and mentally exhausted. My sheer determination to make something out of my crappy life is what's currently keeping me going. I sometimes wish I could go back in time to fix the 'wrongs' in my life. I really do.
My 'sunny' disposition is causing me to dislike the Holidays even more. I think it's hypocritical to teach your children that lying is wrong, but then we as their parents lie about the existence of things like Santa and Rudolf. And don't bitch about how lying like that is fun and magical for the kids, it's still a lie. Also, why be forced to be cheerful and friendly to everyone around you? I'd rather meet up with my loved once during normal times rather than to be 'merry' because Hallmark tells me to do so.
All in all, 2009 was a crappy year. I hope next year will treat me better.

Birthdays...

Mon, 23 Mar 2009 20:38:58 GMT

Well, it's safe to say I'm not looking forward to my birthday this year.

I made the decision of never wanting to see my former-aunt and her gawd-awful son again moths ago. Somehow the idiotic bitch has gotten it in her head that she's invited to my birthday. Who the hell does she think she is anyway? If it were my mother's goddamned birthday it'd be one thing, but this is my birthday, she has no right to show up to begin with!

So my mother comes up with this argument that 'this is her house and not mine' and I say 'It may be your house but it's my birthday'. So my mother comes up with the idea to cancel my birthday entirely and for me to tell my former-aunt that. Whatever. I'll arrange for my guests to get something to eat/drink myself then. My best friend and girlfriend are both coming over. Perhaps another friend and possibly a friend of my girlfriends (she's allowed to if she feels like it). My other friends etc. will probably stick to e-mails/random visits/calls, everyone's so friggin' busy as of late. Can't really blame them.

So yeah. Happy birthday to me :/

Dress - warning, language...as usual

Fri, 06 Mar 2009 14:22:20 GMT

Well, I just bought a new dress for this party I'm supposed to go to on the 26th. It's a fancy dress for this big black-tie party.
My mother and I were supposed to go together but for some reason she felt like inviting a friend of hers along.

Now she's surprised I'm upset. Why am I upset? My mother and I were supposed to go together. Not her and her friend for fuck's sake!
And she wonders why I'm upset? I just bought my first fucking prom-dress and I had to tag along like a third wheel. Her friend is about my age so my mother seems to believe the two of us should be able to 'be friends'. It doesn't change the fact that she's my mom's friend - not mine - and that it was my first fucking prom-dress.

Besides the fact that to me this was an important mother/daughter thing, her friend told me - not asked but fucking told - to go to a specific store while I had selected a store to go to days ago. I don't want to look like a fucking whore on a high-school prom! If I wanted to go to a goddamn store like that I would have picked it days ago! So yeah, once we got to the store I wanted to go to I told them that this was the place where I'd be going. Naturally the tag-along had a comment about this 'not being a good store'. Again if I wanted to look like a 5 dollar prostitute in a skimpy dress I would have picked a different store.

To make matters worse, that fucking tag-along was stupid enough to take the bus to our place while we were supposed to meet in the city. Meaning I had to stand around for over 30 minutes waiting for that STUPID CUNT! So besides being harassed by some creep who wanted me to 'model' for him I had to wait in the cold in a skirt - I was wearing the shoes that were supposed to go with my dress - while waiting for them to finally show up.

So yeah, I don't know why I had hopes of ever establishing an actual bond with my mother. I really don't. Spending as much as ten minutes alone with me is apparently too fucking much for her. Yeah, ten minutes is all it took. I wasn't in the mood to even be cheerful at getting to wear a beautiful dress, I'm not a 'girlish-girl' by all means so when I do feel like doing 'girlish' things it's pretty important to me. How nice of my mother not to pick up that message after having 'known' me for 22 years.

But what was I expecting anyway. My mother doesn't know who my best friend is, she doesn't know my favorite food, she doesn't know my favorite color, hell, she doesn't even know the name of my first boyfriend - and I haven't had that many because I tend to be serious in a relationship.

The one thing that makes things even worse, she asked me what was wrong when we went home. After TELLING her I didn't want her friend to come along both yesterday evening and this morning AND through text before we were supposed to meet up I'd imagine she would have figured at least that out by now. Again, what was I expecting. I should have known better than to get my hopes up.

Please remind me that when and if I actually get married and need to go shopping for a wedding dress, not to take her along. I can just picture her bringing my former aunt along. She'd be low enough to do it too.

Update

Wed, 04 Mar 2009 18:41:02 GMT

Well, I started my internship a little while back and things have been going great there. I sometimes feel like an idiot for not being able to accomplish specific tasks by myself but I keep reminding myself that that's what I'm learning for. Experience comes with time supposedly.

Regardless my internship couldn't be more awesome, I was supposed to join my 'teacher' today for an interview. Unfortunately the bus decided to skip out on duty today, and judging from the fact that it only leaves once an hour I had no other choice but to stay at home.

On a further note, I just heard that my grandfather was diagnosed with lung cancer. I'm not really surprised to realize I don't even give a flying fuck about it. He's a heavy smoker and refused to give that up even after the doctor warned him over 10 times that this was what was going to happen. I've always said that smoking is a choice someone makes, in my opinion everyone is free to make said choice - even kids if they feel the need to 'impress' their peers - but I'm not about to pity the consequences smoking brings. Not even in the slightest. Again that was the choice HE made, not mine.

So yeah, I just got accused of being 'cold and calm' about the situation while my 'poor grandfather is dying'. This from the mother who didn't bother to listen to my other aunt - the one I do kind of like - about the details. Sure, I can imagine my mother not wanting to talk to a woman she hates, but you'd imagine she'd be able to put her differences aside for this. In my opinion it says something about my former-aunt too, the sister my mother is supposedly so 'close' to only called like 10 minutes ago. She had to hear it from the one person who technically speaking doesn't owe my mother a thing, where was her 'favorite sister' then? At least my other aunt actually bothered to tell her her FATHER is sick.

As for the dying part, we don't really know anything about the severity of the situation - we'll supposedly hear tomorrow - so why say he's dying already? Lung cancer is a horrible but treatable disease. Oh well, it's not like I give a flying fuck to begin with. Funny how I feel more upset about missing the interview than this recent mess :/

Family part 3

Mon, 22 Dec 2008 17:37:37 GMT

Well, it's safe to say things calmed down between me and my mother. Regardless of the fact that the entire fight with my former aunt hurt her feelings pretty badly, she was mature about it. She was the one that invited them knowing I would either refuse to talk to them or would start shouting, I didn't appreciate my former aunt making my mother feel guilty about herself though. But that's the way that no good bitch works, she feels the need to be important to others and will go through any lengths to make sure they continue to need her in the future.

But apparently this (now dubbed so by many) personal soap-serie hasn't ended yet. My grandfather ended up sending a christmass card specifically to my mother and as you can guess my name wasn't on it. At all. So whatever, I'm not going to bother even trying to explain the situation to him anymore. I don't really care if he just forgot to add my name, my former aunt influenced him or if he decided this all on his own, I simply don't care anymore. When I made the decision to no longer accept my aunt and her bratty son as relatives I vowed to myself to stop fighting for attention within the 'family ranks'. If my grandfather feels like believing my former aunt/former cousin without even as much as calling to hear my side of the story and not even as much as bothering to write my name on a stinking card, then that's fine.

One less seat to reserve at my graduation and again a whole shitload of stress I don't need dissapears.

On a positive note, stress had me gain some serious weight as of late. I'm back to my original weight and doing fine :)
Regardless of everything I feel better than ever ^^

Oooooooooooh! And guess what! I'm spending Christmass over at my girlfriends place ^_^

Family part 2

Sat, 22 Nov 2008 21:06:23 GMT

It's safe to say things haven't improved between me and my mother.
It doesn't matter what I say, she apparently believes my cousins and her sister's word over anything I say.

To make matters worse somehow she seems to believe I'll be kicked out of school for some unexplainable reason. It's nice to have a parent believe in you right? *cough*sarcasm*cough* As a matter of fact school has been more than fine, I'm getting good grades and I'm not in trouble with my teachers and/or classmates. So I have absolutely no idea as to why she would say something like that. But whatever, if she doesn't even believe in my capabilities when it comes to my education, she can go fuck herself. She's most defenitely not welcome at graduation and neither is the rest of my family (except maybe my grandpa).

Well, it's safe to say I've been growing increasingly depressed again. It's gotten to the point that I don't even feel like getting up in the morning. I don't feel like doing anything as of late unless it somehow allows me a brief escape from reality, reading, painting, gaming etc. Problem is I keep thinking about my problems even when I'm trying to let it all go and nothing that usually gives me comfort seems to be helping.

I did meet a really nice girl like I more or less said in my previous post. She's a bit younger than me, but it's ok. I'm really comfortable with her and I like her family (as far as I'm familiar with them that is). I plan on spending my christmas over at my new inlaws just to get away from my family. Funny how I absolutely adore my new girlfriend and inlaws and I can't even share that with my own mother? She seems to believe that gay (and lesbian) people are somehow disfigured or ill and that they date people from their own sex because of it. Yet somehow bisexual (or pansexual in my case) people are sick and twisted andthey apparently completely disgust her. So yeah, I'm falling for someone and I can't tell my mom because for some reason I just see her blaming me dating a girl as me being rebelious and doing it just to spite her or something like that. I don't want my girlfriend to suffer because of my mother's incapabilities of seeing things without putting herself in as the main subject and I don't feel like getting kicked out of a house where a large part of the expensive stuff was bought by me.

Oh. I forgot to mention my mother's poor spending habits cause her to end up flat broke at the end of the year? Trust me, she's NOT good at handling money. In all of my life I have never crossed my budget even once, I'm good at calculating my expenses and I don't need anyone to pitch in finacially. My mother on the other hand never saves up, spends money on the most useless of things and ends up complaining about how the world is unfair to her. Funny how she recently got offered a better job but refused to go to the manager training because she thought it was 'too far away'. Clearly a double salary wasn't worth a 2 hour trip to a training location. She needs to get her fucking priorities straight if you ask me. Why complain about not having accomplished something in life and how it's always someone else's fault while she's the one who refuses to put in any goddamn effort when it comes to improving her life? She does nothing but complain, she never sees the good in others or in herself (though I'm starting to doubt if there's any good in that woman myself), she constantly finds some way of talking me into another fit if depression and she gets violent to match.

So yeah, things have been growing worse, but I'll manage. I managed to get this far already, I mean I'm in lawschool (which I'm paying for myself), I have a wonderful girlfriend (whom is into yaoi too XP), I'm doing good in school and I've got several very loyal friends who try to be there for me as much as I can. Not to mention I got lucky when it came to my inlaws, they're really great people from what I've seen :)

Oh and did I mention I found out about this new school for private detectives? As soon as I finish my current one I'll defenitely start there. That specific education (more like a brief class and training in order to get my license) is exaclty what I want to do! Imagine, me being a really real detective, one of our training thingies is about following people without getting seen and there's another about installing bugs and stuff! :)

Enough if me whining. I'm off to go paint something ^^

Family...

Sun, 26 Oct 2008 23:10:59 GMT

Well, I haven't used this thing in ages and when I finally do...surprise...it's another rant.

The most unbelievable (in a negative way) thing happened to me last Friday. My cousin and I more or less traditionally go to a horror amusement park around Halloween and this year was no different. As a matter off act, he suggested we should bring people along to make it even more entertaining.

After a lot of complicated arrangements I managed to convince the girl I'm dating to bring along a friend of hers so we'd have 4 people going rather than having just three and one person constantly having to sit alone. When this second girl turned out to be a 'plain' looking girl my absolute jackass of a cousin apparently didn't think she was 'date-worthy' and started to exclude himself from the group. Once we finally managed to walk to the first ride he 'magically' dissappeared. I called him about 6 times, send him a text and left a message in his voice-mail. As you have probably already guessed, no answer. I spent fifteen minutes looking for him till my date and her friend convinced me he was an adult (only in the legal way I can assure you) and after about ten minutes of standing in line I finally received a text from him with some bullshit excuse about the mother of some friend being in critical condition and said friend standing around the park entrance waiting for him. How do I know it's bullshit? Stick around and you'll see.

I answered the text saying it'd take 30 minutes for us to get out of the line whereass we were standing in the middle of it and there was no way to simply walk back out. After getting of the ride the three of us walked towards the entrance and no sign of my cousin. He texted again about leaving with that friend to go see that 'sick' mother in the hospital and I was furious to say the least. (Again you'll understand soon enough) Regardless me, my date and her friend refused to let this spoil our evening and we had fun.

What happened next however had me baffled - for lack of better terms. My cousin apparantly made it home around 7. Now here's an easy little calculation for you. If he left around five to take the only possible form of public transportation (which only arrives once every half hour) and the entire trip to his home would take to full hours at least was it possible for him to go all the way to a hospital several miles away to visit someone with a friend whom no one had ever heard of? The answer is no obviously. Meaning he lied.

Though I'm not much one for 'telling' on someone, I had my mother tell my aunt about this and not feeling like having an arguement I decided not to go along today when my mom went to visit my cousin's mother. And yes you guessed it. Somehow this entire situation is automatically my fault and I'm childish and regardless of it being entirely impossible my cousin is supposedly telling the truth. Why? Because he's a guy. Yes seriously, my family apparently believes that the women in our family are completely worthless. Or any other woman for that matter because apparently the two people I had with me are 'on my side' in this matter and can't be trusted. This regardless of the fact that I had never met my date's friend before in my entire life, heck, I don't even know the girl's last name.

This having been the millionth time my cousin has been allowed to get away with something like this (and worse I can assure you) I decided to end this entire situation once and for all. I made the firm decision to break things off with that part of the family entirely and yes I'm dead serious about it. I don't feel like being looked at as worthless and useless simply because I was born without a dick. I'm sick and tired of not being taken seriously and humiliated by them and I'm not taking it any longer.

So yes, my mother is once again in a particulary foul mood and went to bed without even as much as saying thank you for doing all sorts of chores around the house. I really don't care anymore though, I'm fed up with it and deleting every form of contact like phonenumbers and e-mailadresses has never felt this therapeutic before. Goodbye family life and hello start of a new period in my life, personally I'm just glad that it's finally over now, even if I did have to take the drastic approach and breaking off all ties.

Thu, 31 Aug 2006 21:30:14 GMT

Oooooooooooooooh me nearly forgot!
I got Photoshop CS2 recently!

I'm very VERY happy with it.
My coloring/shading days have never seen brighter days XD

I've been practising with it ever since I got home X3

This is an old page I drew about a year ago. I added some shading to it then. Once I got my new Photoshop, I improved it a bit ^-^

Before:

After:

As you can see it's much MUCH better. Still not 100% happy with it, but it's a major improvement X3
Then there's the picture I colored for the Hidden Yaoi art-contest ^-^

I worked long and hard on this ^-^

Judge for yourselves!
Have I improved or what?
^_^;

How's my life been so far

Thu, 31 Aug 2006 21:21:23 GMT

Meeeeeeeeeeeeeeep, I've forgotten to actually use my LJ for LJ-ing rather then hanging around communities, so here I am posting a message ^w^

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeel, I've gotten a weird addiction to death note lately. While on holliday my friend Mel (whom I now dub Mello ^_~) let me read her Death Note manga collection. I must say I've been bitten by the LxRaito bug ;-;

I mean L is just sooooooooooooooo adorable ^-^

I'm at chapter 60 sumthin' right now, but couldn't resist and read the ending to the series already. The only reason I still read is because of Mello and Near.

I dunno, but the series gets kinda boring after you know who dies.

But after reading Death note chapter 0, as in the pilot, I've gotten a great idea for either a fic or a doujinshi. Dunno why, seems like the right thing to do.

Other then that I'm addicted to the death note live action movie and the OST ><
Not to mention the anime version coming soon ;-;
And on October 13th we'll get to know L's real name! Most people thing it's Left XP
Well, mr. Yagami/Imagay should have simply waited for that volume to come out before offing one of the most loved anime/manga characters in fangirl history!

*glares at Light/Raito*

I mean what was up with his behaviour during the ending anyways!

Oh well.

Other then that, I'm starting Law School next week! Dunno if I should look forward to it or feel nervous about it. I have like NO idea what to expect out of my classmates and I haven't been in a boys/girls mixed class in almost 3 friggin' years 0-0

It's like going back into the past or something XD
I'm really gonna try and give it my all though!
I adore the idea of being a lawyer some day and find Law in general absolutely fascinating ^-^

More rantage of my lifeness laterness X3

eggies X3

Mon, 22 May 2006 23:05:11 GMT

A topic dvoted solely to eggs!
Why?
Because I feel like it!

http://funnyheck.com/eggsong.html

Enjoy!

GAWD! I'm annoyed!

Mon, 10 Apr 2006 11:13:10 GMT

I just walked up the friggin' stairs to get to class, since I don't want to be late. This JACKASS from school starts this conversation with me about being late too much. I was late 2 fucking times without it being my own goddamn fault!

So there I am, trying to explain things and he starts chatting up on how it's not responsible. Why the FUCK is he bothering me about being late? First of all he's not my goddamn teacher, or anything. Second, he doesn't even know the fucking reason I was late!

I mean fuck! What. A . Jackass.
Go bother someone who's failing, or skipping school -_-

It's not as if I'm the only one who's late, I know people who are late all the time. Why bug me? GAWD I'M PISSED!
*strangles random person* >[

........

Sun, 19 Mar 2006 17:43:53 GMT

Right now I just don't know what to do anymore.
After many years of fighting I just feel like giving up.

I didn't think much about my life anymore and tried to make the best of what I have right now.

Today was just a fucking turning point in my life.

I feel like I'm goddamn choking.
I haven't cried in years. Gawd my face hurts X3
I just don't know what to do anymore.

The only thing left for me to do is to get a job in the weekend and get the hell out of here while I still can.
But that's going to take time. Time I just don't have right now.
I'm going to talk to my grandfather tommorrow..I think. About staying with him for a while.
So no internet for me for a while.

I'm starting to act suicidal again, which is a major bad sign. Like five minutes ago I grabbed a kitchen nife and put it to my wrist.
Said wrist is still burning....
I just don't know what to do anymore.
For the first time in my life I actually WANT help, yet there's no-one reaching out. Like usual.
I just want it to be over, ya know?
I can't pretend I'm happy anymore, lying through life just isn't gonna cut it anymore.

I need to get out of here

WTF? Kishimoto really IS gay?

Wed, 04 Jan 2006 16:26:55 GMT

I was doing some reading for my SasuNaru fanfic, when I stumbled upon this...

Full page
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shudo

"The teachings of shudo, "The Way of the Young," entered the literary tradition and can be found in such as works as Hagakure, "Hidden by Leaves," and other samurai manuals. Shudo, in its pedagogic, martial, and aristocratic aspects, is closely analogous to the ancient Greek tradition of pederasty."

I mean, a chapter on old Samurai society used to approve and support the relationships between men, more specifically young men an their superiors. it was called shudo.
Hidden leas VS Hidden leaves...looks like Kishimoto-san is just a little more interrested in male to male relationships then he lets on XD

Yet another step closer to proving sasuke and naruto belong together XD

An amusing day

Tue, 03 Jan 2006 19:56:27 GMT

Upon walking outside today while visiting a sick friend I ran into one of the most amusing scenes ever...

Imagine.
A peacefull street, virgin white snow, the remaining birds cheerfully chirping etc.
Well, here I am walking past this alley, you'll never guess what I overheard...

TRANSLATED!
"Foolish little brother, you plan on fighting with your big brother?"

Apparantly some kid had an argument with his older brother over something 0-0
And yeah...I thought I was hearing things >.>

Of jobnesses and weirdly behaving mothers

Fri, 09 Dec 2005 18:21:15 GMT

Yeah, those that know me a little better might know I more or less applied for a job for the newly created school newspaper. Well, me got tah job!

This is most likely going to be the cover image of our school newspaper X3

How do you guys like it?
Me worked long and hard on it X_x
I was 'hired' to do the front page, the comics and further images XD

Anyways as for the rantage.
Today in school, it turned out our teacher got sick.
Since the only class I had today was taught by that teacher, I didn't have school today.
We still stuck around and made some homework though.

Anyways, after that I went to Amsterdam with a friend/classmate of mine. Had a lot of fun ^-^
The problem is however that about 5 minutes ago my mother practically accused me of skipping school.

Which is something I've NEVER done before...

Apparantly she finds it suspicious about me being angry about her accusing me, the angrier I get, the more suspicious she gets. Seriously, I'm just SO pissed at her right now. SHE'S the one who said I should spend more time with my friends. She's actually planning to call a teacher to make sure I was at school today. How fucked up is that?

Who the hell accuses someone of something while KNOWING that person has never done something like that before. She thinks I'm hiding something. Really, even if there actually was something to hide (even though there isn't) I'd simply tell her to go fuck herself -_-

Of being sick and bitchy mothers -_-

Wed, 23 Nov 2005 19:09:25 GMT

As people have realised by now, my new chapter for my fanfic 'Of Samurai and Shinobi' is late yet again.
I come bearing a reason............and a rant.......as usual -.-

A very few of you might know I've been sick for quite some time now.
It really wasn't THAT much of a deal, really.

Then I went to this total and UTTER excuse for a family party. Imagine, me who HATES kids being the one who gets stuck baby-sitting the entire lot of miserable, sniveling, coughing little bastards ><

ANd in stead of PUTTING THEIR GODDAMN HAND IN FRONT OF THEIR MOUTHS WHILE COUGHING THEY JUST DID WHATEVER THE HELL THEY WANTED! AAAAAAAAAAAARGH!

Meaning that whatever I was coming down with before has managed to gain control.

Symptoms;

-SEVERE dizzyness
-SEVERE headaches (the ones that makes you feel your brain's too big for yer head X-x)
-Nausea
-Fevers (degrees keep changing by several degrees)
-A newly added cough
-SEVERE cold shivers
-loss of appetite
-no tolerance for spiced/fatty foods
-EXTREMELY hot to the touch
-Goosebumps
-Sore muscles and bodyparts
etc.

That and my mother really isn't helping.
In my last rant I yelled about how she was being pathetic when she was ill and how she allways has to be treated better then others regardless of someone having it worse then her.

Meaning if I were to get a deadly disease and she got a cold, her cold would be more severe -_-
Bitch.......

But like I said, she isn't helping. Yesterday she wanted to visit my grandmothers grave and all but ordered me to go along. Naturally I refused, she called me lazy and told me to vacuum the (FREEZING) living room while she was away. If that wasn't bad enough, five minutes after leaving the moron comes back...she forgot her cellphone and a picture frame...you guessed it, I had to take the stairs down ALL the way to the lower levels, hand her the phone and go back up......in my p-j's -_-

After officially having been chilled to the bone and vacuuming like a good girl, I noticed my fever that was close to breaking had gone up again -_-

It happens one would say. As did I.
Later when she returned, she went out to go grocery shopping, great, didn't have to go along. Just had to get up and out of bed like 20 times.......

Upon returning she once AGAIN orders me to go down to the bottom of the hallway and orders me to carry the friggin' groceries ><

Yeah, a sick person with a high fever is just SOOOOOOOO suited for a job like that...*sniffs the sarcasm*

Anyways, that wasn't even the last of it...oh no, there's more to come.
When I finally make it back up the stairs, I put the bags in front of the refrigerator.
She shows up and starts bitching about how I should have unpacked the groceries and put the IN the refrigerator...bright idea....cold air...already chilled to the bone...defenitely a recepy for laringitis if not worse....isn't she clever? *smells sarcasm again*

But no, the rant still doesn't end.
The absolute moron decided we should eat something with a high concentration of fat...it's one of my favourite meals and I can eat barely nothing of it since my stomach will turn...gee thanks.
Not that that was the worst part of it, it takes a really REALLY long time to make.

Naturally I had to help make it -_-
And no that's still not the worst part of it.
When cooking the damned ingredients the kitchen tends to heat up. Didn't do much for me though, I was trembling....

What does she do?
She opens......
the goddamn.....
balcony door......
which is next to the place where I'M standing....

I ended up getting so incredibly cold I went into the now warm-ish living room and had to hear yet another rant about how weak and useless I am for not even finishing my chores.....and yeah. =_=

Imagine another night filled with coughing, complaining/demanding mothers etc.
I had to get up about 20 more times for absolutely rediculous things. Her excuse? She forgot I was sick.....yeah right.
And no the madness does not end....
Getting tired of me yet?

Day2

I wake up after a night of hacking my loungs up with her on the phone....at about 9.30 - 10.00-ish.......I was coughing till at least 3 in the night and she wakes me up.......clever......you can guess I didn't sleep much the rest of that day.

She tells me this and I quote;
"Don't make such a big deal out of yourself."
Apparantly I'm not allowed to complain about being sick at all. It annoys her, ruins her mood and gives her a head-ache....awfully selfish of me, isn't it. Yeah right. Friggin' bitch......

After a day of her constantly harrasing me on the phone because she was bored at her job, I turned on the answering machine and went to bed. I read about 1/3 of the latest Harry Potter book the Half Blood Prince till I started feeling tired...finally.

I fall asleep and wake up at about the same time the afformentioned idiot shows up. I had yet to do the dishes. Meaning yet another kitchen trip with a door wide open and another evening of cooking to go with it. Excuse me for trying to sleep off the illness like you ALLWAYS do and not listening to you, your royal pain in the ass-ness -_-

She walks into the kitchen and grabs a pan....the absolute total and utter foolish MORON drops it, blaming me for it...

About 15 minutes ago she wanted me to help her with something on her computer. After having one for over 5 friggin' years she STILL doesn't understand the difference between bits, bytes, MP, GB etc.

I tell her to REMEMBER the friggin' number. She says she doens't remember and I tell her to walk back and TAKE A NOTE. She blows up in my face, forcing me to yet again rise from my warm lare known as my bed and to walk to the living room. True I said some foul words and all, but apparantly slammign the door to my face and telling me she'll kill me if I show up now is going over-board....

So yeah. I'm really REALLY sick and thanks to the 'loving care' of my mother *sniffs sarcasm yer again* I'll probably be out for a while. No guild manga or fanfic people, I have to find the time to get better SOMEWHERE and my free time is gonna have to suffer.

Sorry for the MAJOR delays in my updates, I have a real bad bad-luck streak...
And it doesn't look like it's gonna end any time soon...

Someone please kill me X3

The battle that is my life AKA More arguing -_-

Tue, 25 Oct 2005 20:16:00 GMT

Yeah, me bitching yet AGAIN...

You guessed it, another argument with you know who....>_=
Getting sooooooooooo tired of it -_-

I merely asked her to leave me alone for ONCE and she got angry yet again...the entire 'you're a good for nathing lazy....etc.' rant was thrown in my face again about 5 minutes ago...
Actually...I can still hear it >3
Apparanly there's something wrong with her fish tank.
First she bugs me into dropping everything I was busy with, then I ask her to leave me alone...she manages it for about......an hour......before bugging me yet again -_-

I had a REALLY stressfull day, tests are right around the corner, as well as internships X_x
I'm nervous like all of my peers and school isn't helping since they're REAL bad at arranging stuff ><

So here I am, coming home after a school day that lasted from 8.30 (NOT counting travel time >.<) till f*ing 16.15 (AGAIN not counting travel time >_<).

We're having REAL bad weather, which isn't funny after all those hurricanes/tornados etc. have been blowing around (we get the 'left overs' of the bad weather since our country is located near the sea).
Rain pouring down like crazy, a strong wind blowing everything in your face. Me already being sick...and probably gonna get sick even more if I don't rest properly ><

So I finally get home, about 20 minutes before my mother would. I spend half of it putting away my belongings, then set the table, help the cat by cleaning up her vomit (X-x) since she's feeling a little under the weather (she's ok X3) >.<

Then I sit down for about 5 minutes and the bell rings...whoopie...got in a 5 minute break -_-

Then I have to unpack, help with cooking (didn't do much today but still X3) sit down and eat (during which the cat vomitted yet again AND a nasty fly kept bugging us AKA begging me to kill it -_-)

I sit down behind mah PC, tackle this FRIGGIN' problem with gaia, finally got it, and she shouts during the middle of it if I can find out what's wrong with her fish...she has her own computer :\
So, being the good sameritan, me help out...I get a one-hour break, which I already knew wouldn't last long...till she shouts yet again...she cleaned out the filter of the fish tank yesterday yet wants to do it again....so I shout back 'I thought you were gonna leave me alone?' (in a polite tone X3)

And she starts bitching and raving as usual *rolls eyes* What. A. Dumbfuck. XD

Thu, 20 Oct 2005 15:28:11 GMT

Yeah, practising manga screen tone usageness X3

That fanfic is located here:
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/482217/1/

Me luvs it very muchly so ^-^
It's a Final Fantasy 7 fanfic with Sepiroth/Zax/Cloud yumminess ^_^
Do check it out!
(And naturally it's sequel: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/1594478/1/ )

Aunts/Cousins

Fri, 07 Oct 2005 22:12:01 GMT

Yeah, me ranting again...>.>

On Saturday mah aunt's gonna visit, bringing my 19 (nearly 20) year old cousin with her (not 100% sure, but most likely ><).

Normally people would considder this a happy event...
Yet I'm not exactly thrilled about the whole thing...

My cousin is shortly summarized;
a spoiled computer/gaming nerdish lazy stupid ugly poorly hygenic (don't care about tah friggin' spelling X3) moronic brat -_-

He's older then me, yet he's about as self-reliant as a 5 year old...
People who have read my other rants probably allready heard a thing or two about the guy >>

Well, recently my mother critisized my opinion about something. She threathened to tell my aunt about it....like I friggin' care -_-

Point is, the bitch doesn't even know how to raise her own goddamn kid, yet she's giving pointers about how I should be raised....just wanna strangle her >_<

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!

Mon, 03 Oct 2005 21:01:43 GMT

I'm SOOOOOOOOO friggin' pissed right now! ><

Had yet another argument with my mother. Prepare for major language -_-

Those that know me and have been in touch with me lately know that I've been pretty badly sick recently. I'm still not better even after two DAMN weeks ><
Worse, I coughed up BLOOD about 3 days ago, lost my voice completely yesterday, the fever finally broke last night... Now my mom's sick yet again, she has a sore throat.......woopie, I had one for like a week -_-

So she keeps complaining and bitching about it. About how everything she manages to catch is allways ten times worse then what I have. She's staying home from work tommorow...something she's not supposed to do.

I sure as HELL wasn't allowed to stay home from school, didn't even want to.
Now she gets one friggin' sore throat and she's acting like she's dying or something (if only I were that lucky >.>). She spent the entire friggin' day in bed, it was her day of, so yeah I didn't give a fuck. But when I did the same on MY goddamn day of, I get bitched at for being lazy.

Who the HELL is the lazy one of the two of us?! The one that gets up out of her sickbed to do the GODDAMN shopping or the bitch who doesn't do anythign except watch friggin' soapseries all day long! She even has the fucking guts to tell me I shouldn't act like a baby about it, yet when she has the EXACT goddamn same thing WITHOUT the whole blood/fever part she has the right to order me around to get shit for her?! What's wrong with this picture!
Better yet, she threathens to tell my aunt about the way I behaved towards her, she dared to say I'fucking neglecting her. WHO'S FUCKING NEGLECTING WHO?! LIKE I GIVE A FUCK ABOUT MY GODDAMN AUNT WHO DOESN'T DO ANYTHING BUT GODDAMN COMPLAIN ABOUT HOW I SHOULD BEHAVE! Let the fucking bitch look at her own brat! He's the one that got kicked off of school because he didn't show up for his GODDAMN classes! He's the one that doesn't even know how to rub in his GODDAMN suntanning lotion at age 19! FOr GODSSAKE! I know how to cook, do pretty much everything else (vacuum, dishes etc.) carry ALL the heavy shit etc. And I supposedly don't do enough to help my goddamn mother!
It's like, no matter what I do, I'll never be good enough or something.
She only notices what I DON'T do, but never what I DO do. GAWD!
I wanna strangle her right about now >< It's bad enough the way she is normally, but a sick nag is even worse. She thinks she deserves all the attention in the world.

She takes a whole friggin' day of because of a sore throat? I have to stay in school from 8.30 AM till 5.30 PM and she takes a goddamn day off because of a goddamn SORE THROAT?! It probably wouldn't have ticked me off so badly, had she not acted the way she did. She thinks she can just put me in place like I'm some goddamn moron with nothing better to do then become a goddamn housewife. I'm NOTHING like my mother. Sometimes I even wonder if it wasn't her goddamn nagging that drove my dad away.

Speaking of my dad. Haven't seen the bastard since I was 5 goddamn years old. I ran into him the other day. My BITCH of a mother pointed him out, apparantly he was staring at me. Well, what do you want after so many goddamn years. So I turn to look at the bastard and he DARES to turn his face away and make himself real small in the goddamn hope I didn't see him. My own GODDAMN father is avoiding me! It's like he's friggin' ashamed about me or something! Why the HELL did I end up getting a goddamn family like this?! It's bad enough it's my parents, but the rest of my family as well?! Could someone PLEASE FRIGGIN' TELL ME WHY?! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH! I just wanna scream and let it all out >< Just think, I need a log because my own GODDAMN diary isn't even safe in this GODDAMN house! The BITCH reads them! I'm not even allowed to lock my goddamn door! I can't WAIT to get out of here!

Thu, 18 Aug 2005 16:08:16 GMT

Got it from maruneko

I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian.

I am the prostitute working the streets because nobody will hire a transsexual woman.

I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights.

We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time.

I am the man who died alone in the hospital because they would not let my partner of twenty-seven years into the room.

I am the foster child who wakes up with nightmares of being taken away from the two fathers who are the only loving family I have ever had. I wish they could adopt me.

I am one of the lucky ones, I guess. I survived the attack that left me in a coma for three weeks, and in another year I will probably be able to walk again.

I am not one of the lucky ones. I killed myself just weeks before graduating high school. It was simply too much to bear.

We are the couple who had the realtor hang up on us when she found out we wanted to rent a one-bedroom for two men.

I am the person who never knows which bathroom I should use if I want to avoid getting the management called on me.

I am the mother who is not allowed to even visit the children I bore, nursed, and raised. The court says I am an unfit mother because I now live with another woman.

I am the domestic-violence survivor who found the support system grow suddenly cold and distant when they found out my abusive partner is also a woman.

I am the domestic-violence survivor who has no support system to turn to because I am male.

I am the father who has never hugged his son because I grew up afraid to show affection to other men.

I am the home-economics teacher who always wanted to teach gym until someone told me that only lesbians do that.

I am the man who died when the paramedics stopped treating me as soon as they realized I was transsexual.

I am the person who feels guilty because I think I could be a much better person if I didn’t have to always deal with society hating me.

I am the man who stopped attending church, not because I don't believe, but because they closed their doors to my kind.

I am the person who has to hide what this world needs most, love.

Repost this if you believe homophobia is wrong

Mah L33tZ coloring skillzzzz

Fri, 08 Jul 2005 19:52:42 GMT

Mehhhhh, I used to be a part of an old RPG DBZ-style X3
I decided to color one of the pictures from that place, since I need coloring practise X-x
This is Lord Raizen.

King of the saiyan race and true legendary supersaiyan ^^

Yeah, I drew that like AGES ago X-x
Even though it's been discussed time and time again, our RPG believed in the fact that the 'ssj 4 stage' shown in DB-GT is the one true SSJ state ^.^

I can't help but agree, but that's a looooooooooooong story X-x

I'm thinking about coloring more piccies from that time and posting em here.
It IS a journal after all >3

Sloganizer fun

Thu, 09 Jun 2005 17:54:09 GMT

Yeah I was having some fun with the sloganizer.
I was bored and all, so what the heck X3

I just filled in a random word and THIS is what the results were XD
Imagine me fangirling over this, I'm SUCH a perv X3

Deidara;

-«deidara inside you.»
XD
My favourite one ^_~
-«deidara - be prepared.»
>>
«I can't believe it's deidara.»
«deidara extra dry.»
*snickers*
well that's gotta hurt >>
«Go farther with deidara.»
«Don't play with fire, play with deidara.»
XD

Itachi;

«Nobody does it like Itachi.»
*snickers again*
«God made Itachi.»
Highly doubtfull ^_~
«Itachi? Yes please.»
«You better get inside Itachi.»

What the HELL were these people thinking XD

Kisame;

«Kisame, i want it all.»
«Free Kisame.»
XD
Free Willy anyone?
«Have a break, have a Kisame.»
X3

Sasori;
«Sasori - play it!»
Yeah corny >>
«Sasori keeps going, and going, and going...»
MY EYES! XD
«Sasori for your kids!»
0_<
«Once Sasori, always Sasori.»
XD

Zetsu;
«Zetsu is our middle name.»
Well, technically he DOES consist out of two people X3
«Zetsu - forget the rest.»
«Zetsu kicks ass.»
«Things go better with Zetsu.»
«There's lots of fun in Zetsu.»
Did that last one sound as weird to me as it did to you? XD

Leader;
«Can you feel it? Leader.»
XD XD XD
«Leader is my passion.»
How did you know? >>
«I want Leader and I want it now.»
X3

SasuNaru;
«And on the eighth day, god created SasuNaru.»
*nods* so true X3
«SasuNaru for you!»
«SasuNaru loves you.»
«Don't forget your SasuNaru.»
«SasuNaru forever.»
«SasuNaru's got it all!»
«The wonder has a name: SasuNaru.»
True as well ^^
«SasuNaru will be for you what you want it to be.»
That's....also true >>
«SasuNaru - One name. One legend.»
«SasuNaru for a better future.»
Getting tired yet people?
«I'd sleep with SasuNaru.»
«The goddess made SasuNaru.»
«SasuNarutastic!»
My new favourite word ^^
«SasuNaru - spice up your life.»
«SasuNaru is rolling, the others are stoned.»
XD
«God made SasuNaru.»
«Always the real thing, always SasuNaru.»
And yeah I could keep doing this forever >>

Have fun people!
http://www.sloganizer.net/en/

I had...

Mon, 16 May 2005 23:05:16 GMT

I had SUCH a weird day today...
I went to this party a friend of mine was throwing.

Let's just say I wasn't in the best of moods....

I wore my black/red combo clothes and black nailpolish.
I tied my hair in half a ponytail and went out, I absolutely didn't feel like a party but hey, they expected me to make an appearance.......><

So I walk in, WAY past fashionably late and this drunk woman looks at me, blinks several times and just launches/attaches herself at me.......

"Random girl at party:
Oh.My.Gawd....You are like soooooooo Itachi and Deidara's love child!!!!!! *glomps*
Me: 0_o"

I couldn't help but raise an eyebrow at that....
I look in a mirror (after all, I just made a ponytail, I hadn't looked in the mirror to do so.....)
and realize that my hair is in the exact same haircut as Deidara from Naruto.
Since I didn't wear make-up, my 'Itachi-lines' as my friends put it, were visible...
(those little lines by his eyes, I have them as a result of SEVERE lack of sleep...)

Let's just say that I spend the rest of the night being molested by Itachi/Deidara fans O_<

And yet...

Sat, 14 May 2005 17:17:36 GMT

...another one.
Getting tired of me yet people?
X3

More piccage!

Random dollies I made with the doll-maker ^^

It's my avi from Gaia-online ^^
I felt like doing some lame art of her...so...yeah >>

Yet another ficcie fanart ^^
Yay me!
That's a lollipop in his mouth X3

Probably more later on ^_^
I'm making up for the mis-use of my poor POOR Lj ;_;
*glomps her LJ*
My purrrrrrrecious X3